I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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