my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just want nice things and good sex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
