So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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