I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
