I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
