Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
