OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
