So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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