so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize