why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
