Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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