textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
