I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
