i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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