i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
