I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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