Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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