You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
