this beer tastes like vomit already
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
