Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize