Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
