Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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