It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
