I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
