the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize