Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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