i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were trust falling into bushes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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