I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize