everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
