New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
