Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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