Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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