Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
