Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
