i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
