so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just had sex on a roof
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
