i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
