So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
