shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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