Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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