I met the friendliest cop last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just want nice things and good sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
