I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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