I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize