now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
