He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
