Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
