dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
please don't ironically join a cult
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
