Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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