Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
