is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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