Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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