he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize