this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
