we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
