ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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