yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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