I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
