you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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