dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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