he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
