I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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