I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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