This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
