so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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