Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
