im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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