Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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