I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
