Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
