When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
