I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I cut my penus on the lid.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I want to be your penis for a week.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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