OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
