New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
