You're completely useless in the revolution.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
