Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
