He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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