she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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