Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
