I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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