Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
