Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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