I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
