Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
