It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize