i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
