I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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