I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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