Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
