can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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