in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize