This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
