i barfeds in our rink
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
