he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
