Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
