Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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