Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize