the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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