shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
