Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize