Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Still dying that you shit outside
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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