Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
