We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
