apparently the secret to your success is patron
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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