Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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