Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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