just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
