it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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