i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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