So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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