exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
