if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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