ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
