That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
