If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
