Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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