Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
