literally had 100 drinks last night.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
