Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize