When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
