im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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