Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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